rushed Fandom: Super Junior (AU, !mutant)
Pairing: central Hankyung/Heechul, Siwon/Sungmin, Kyuhyun/Zhou Mi, Kibum/Donghae, Yehsung/Ryeowook, Kangin/Eeteuk
Word count: 4,270
Rating: PG-13
Summary: At the Soo Man Academy for Gifted Individuals, those with mutant powers are taught how to control their gifts. Hankyung has come to learn to control something he doesn't consider a gift, but rather a curse, and he wants nothing else from the school, certainly not friendship, but then, his life has never gone how he wanted it.
A/N: The last post for two weeks as I'm internet-less. This is hopefully a very good place to leave it :DDDDD A summary of this chapter: GOOD STUFF crying GOOD STUFF.
The door to his room banging open and Heechul's voice as he stared at the ceiling was becoming, by now, rather too familiar to Hankyung. He waved a hand at Heechul, who had greeted him with "What the hell are you doing?" He could feel Heechul glaring at him, the scorn practically burning through him. "Are you moping? Is that what you're doing, moping?"
"Go away," said Hankyung, waving his hand even more insistently at him. "Leave me to my misery."
"Pathetic," said Heechul. "Absolutely pathetic. Come on, get up."
"Why?" Hankyung sat up to look helplessly at him. "What's the point, it's not like there's anything in this weekend for me."
"Wah, wah, wah, you." Heechul went into one of the wardrobes, seemed to realise that it was Siwon's, and slammed it shut before pulling open the door to Hankyung's. Hankyung cried out in indignation, but Heechul ignored him and pulled out a blue shirt and a pair of jeans. Then he threw them at Hankyung's head. "Get dressed," he ordered. "Okay, so your family isn't coming, but you get to meet everyone else's parents, don't you?"
Hankyung bundled the clothing in his hands, averting his eyes from Heechul's expectant ones. "I don't want to," he muttered. "Forgive me for not wanting to see how happy everyone else is with their family."
"Stop being so selfish." This was how Heechul did it; flippant enough to stop Hankyung feeling like a little kid, but firm enough to get the message across. "I think most of them are looking forward to showing you. Seasoning, at least. You know how happy he is that his sister ended up making it."
"I just -- I don't know."
"Either you can rot up here in this room all weekend, or you can get dressed and come outside." He walked over to Hankyung's bedside table to open his drawers and pulled out some underwear and socks. Hankyung just stared at him, but he should have realised Heechul would have no concept of privacy and boundaries. "I've spoken to my parents and they said that you're welcome to spend the weekend with us." He looked down at Hankyung and his smile made Hankyung's breath catch. "No need to thank me, I know that I'm wonderful and -- mmph!"
He was cut off as Hankyung reached out for his wrist and pulled him down and kissed him, hard and frantic, because Heechul was brilliant and fantastic and "You went through my underwear," he gasped out, when they had pulled apart and Heechul straightened up, looked completely stunned. "What kind of a person does that?"
"A wonderful person," said Heechul breathlessly, just staring at him. "A wonderful person who is letting you meet my parents and -- my god, you're a shit kisser."
Hankyung had never had someone throw themselves at him before, so he was utterly unprepared when Heechul did just that, causing the two of them to go tumbling backwards on the bed, Heechul's hands against his cheeks, holding him closer and closer. He had no idea what he was doing, no idea that it would be like this, his blood roaring and heart racing and his skin on absolute fire. He had no finesse, that much was obvious, but he wrapped his arms around Heechul's waist and tried to keep up.
Heechul knew what he was doing, so when they broke apart again, it was because of Hankyung. Breathing hard, he tipped his head back and then slowly, slowly, started to think about what had just happened, and then, just as slowly, took his hands off Heechul's waist, heart racing now for a different reason. Heechul noticed the expression on his face, and with a fierce one on his own, reached down and covered Hankyung's hand with his own, taking hold firmly so that Hankyung, when he tried to jerk away, couldn't. Then he placed it back on his waist before kissing him shortly and nipping at his bottom lip.
"Don't be an idiot," he murmured, and Hankyung shut his eyes and blindly found his lips again. He was really quite dazed when Heechul pulled away for the final time and stood up, raking a hand through his hair.
"Great," he said, shaking it back. "Now I'll have to go straighten it again." He pointed imperiously at Hankyung still on the bed. "Be dressed by the time I get back."
Hankyung thought it was lucky that he was even capable of movement after Heechul had left the room, he was so shocked at what had happened, but eventually he stood up and went into the shower room adjoined to the room. He had just stepped out, hair still wet, but dressed, when Heechul slipped back into the room. His hair didn't look any different to Hankyung, but now he had a bright pink silk scarf tied through his belt hoops on his grey jeans. Was it rude to stare at it? Hankyung didn't know.
All he did know what that it was a very good job Heechul had no sense of awkwardness because Hankyung was feeling very, very awkward. Truth be told, he'd just reacted on impulse earlier. There had been no planning whatsoever. If it had been anyone other than Heechul, Hankyung would have just stood there silently, which would have been crippling. Instead, Heechul made a disappointed noise in his throat and said "Dry your hair and meet me in the entrance in ten minutes."
Where did this leave them? The thought of having a conversation with Heechul about 'them' made Hankyung cringe; for all his caution, in a moment he had possibly destroyed what they had and left something horrific in its place. He was lacking in some way, surely, not enough for the more experienced, the more adept Heechul, who had dated before, who -- who was he kidding? He was grinning like a maniac.
"I have never seen you look so happy with yourself," Heechul said when he came downstairs. Maybe if Hankyung used his hand, he'd be able to wipe the smile off his face. The thought just made him smile even harder and Heechul rolled his eyes at him. "We're having a serious conversation later," he said severely. "Don't think I'm that easy." And that made Hankyung sober up a little.
As they made their way past kids greeting their parents, Hankyung noticed some familiar faces. Zhou Mi towered over both his parents, which begged the question where his genes had come from, but he had inherited his smile from his mother. His father was pushing a girl in a wheelchair, who looked like a more feminine, older version of Zhou Mi. Zhou Mi had a death grip on her hand and although she seemed weak and more than a little fragile, she was smiling at him warmly.
Standing a few feet away, it became obvious that Kyuhyun had clearly recieved his own height from his father. He saw Donghae with a woman who must have been his mother, and what looked like his brother. By the doorway, Henry was talking to his mother and father in English. A little way out of the door stood a man and a woman who Heechul threw himself at with a cry of delight.
Hankyung stood back and watched. He could see Heechul in both of them; his facial structure was his mother's, his nose his father's. His mother looked kind and friendly, and Hankyung liked her on principle. Heechul's father hugged his son and then said something that Hankyung missed which had Heechul laughing. Then his mother noticed Hankyung standing to the side and came forward with a joyous cry. "You must be Hankyung!" she said, wrapping her arms around him tightly: she barely came up to his chest. He stood there awkwardly, hands held out to avoid touching her.
"That's him," said Heechul. "Let him breathe, please."
She released Hankyung, beaming, and Heechul's father stepped forward, raising his hand as if to take Hankyung's and shake it. Fear washed through him, a cold sweat breaking out on his forehead that he hoped no one else could see. Then Heechul lay a hand on his father's arm, and the man made a noise of recollection and merely nodded his head at him. "Nice to meet you," he said.
"You too," said Hankyung, and he thought the shake in his voice was probably just taken as nerves.
There was a pause which Heechul stopped from being awkward by putting his arm across his mother's shoulders and asking "So what are we doing today?"
"We've arranged to go out with Siwon's parents for a picnic," said his mother happily. Heechul groaned in a good-natured sort of way.
"I see Siwon every day," he whined. "And you see his parents every day. Why do we have to go out together?"
"His parents never get to see you."
"I see them during the holidays. And they aren't even related to me, they don't need to see me."
"Heechul."
His mother had this way of dragging out his name so that it was like pouting in a vocal form, even though she was just frowning at him. Heechul grinned at her and sighed heavily. "Well, I suppose I can do that. For you, of course."
Heechul's mother greeted Siwon with a similar cry of joy that she'd given Hankyung, and there was a similarity in how the two boys accepted the hugs: Siwon was, too, scared to hug back too hard and instead just gave her a quick squeeze. She beamed at him. She didn't even come up to his chest, but somehow managed to reach up and pat him on the head and coo over how tall he was getting. Siwon's mother gave Hankyung a quick hug.
"I've heard a lot about you," she said softly as she pulled away. Hankyung glanced between Siwon and Heechul, both talking to Heechul's mother, and suddenly felt a rush of affection, a sudden gladness that he had them, which shocked. Two months ago he would have never felt that, or if he had, he'd have considered it a weakness. When had he stopped being scared of how dangerous he was to people, and instead just tried to be careful?
Sitting in the back of the car for the two-hour journey with Heechul, Hankyung was hyper-aware of what had happened just an hour earlier in his dorm room. If he concentrated, he could just about feel Heechul's lips still on his, and he was concentrating so hard that when Heechul touched him on the arm, Hankyung jumped so hard that he almost hit his head off the car roof. "Hey," said Heechul, voice soft to avoid attracting his parent's attention. "Are you being all depressed about your parents again?"
Hankyung blinked; now that he thought about it, he'd barely thought about his parents since Heechul had kissed him. "No," he said truthfully.
"It's just you're staring out of the window."
"I was thinking about kissing you, actually."
The words were out of his mouth before he could think about them, and he blushed hotly. Heechul smirked and then reached over to put his fingers on Hankyung's chin, leaning in a little closer. Hankyung shot a nervous look at his parents, but Heechul didn't make a move. Instead, he said; "So are we doing this? Dating?"
"I don't know," said Hankyung. "Are we? I thought you didn't like dating."
"I'll make an exception for you," said Heechul.
"Oh, I'm honoured," said Hankyung, only half joking. He saw Heechul's hand reach for his own and he pulled it away quickly and then stilled. "Sorry," he murmured, and instead Heechul linked their two arms together. "It's going to be hard dating," he said, "considering we can no longer go into town."
"We'll work something out," Heechul said. "The others have managed." He groaned suddenly. "Sungmin and Seasoning will never let me forget this."
"Sungmin'll be happier than he's been in weeks," said Hankyung, an uneasy smile. It was quickly becoming obvious that Sungmin wasn't getting over Zhou Mi and Kyuhyun's relationship as fast as anyone had hoped. There had been a couple of jokes made about him maybe being the perfect person for Hankyung, he was so depressed, which hadn't gone over well with Sungmin, or Siwon, although Hankyung had thought it was funny the first few times, and which Heechul had found hilarious every time.
Heechul kissed his jaw, almost too fast for Hankyung to even realise. "Don't mention Sungmin today," he said. "You know -- Siwon." Hankyung nodded blankly, still focused on the fact that Heechul had just kissed his jaw to really think. "I never thought I'd be dating an emo kid," Heechul said musingly.
Hankyung never thought he'd be dating at all. It was terrifying, he didn't have a clue what to do. Wee they supposed to tell Siwon? Apparently not, because when they got out of the car at the picnic site, Heechul didn't say anything to Siwon at all and instead just stood around watching as the two fathers got stuff out of the car, and then pushed Siwon forward. Siwon took everything off the two men, two huge picnic boxes, a multitude of blankets and coverings, and a wind shield. Siwon might have been capable of carrying everything, but he struggled to see afterwards, and Heechul had to lead him, sighing, to where they were going to eat.
Once or twice it was mentioned how quiet Hankyung was. They were joking comments, comparing him with Heechul, who was pretty much the center of attention. He tried, after each time, to join in a little more, but this kind of social situation was completely lost on him. He wasn't used to parents who wanted to talk to their kids, parents who laughed at their kids, who clearly thought the world of them. Siwon and his father looked alike, although his nature was clearly that of his mother. Heechul's mother had decided Heechul didn't eat enough and had got Siwon's mother alongside; the two of them kept bugging him, and eventually even Siwon sided with them. Then they turned on Hankyung, who, unused to such attention, fell with such an ease that it was almost pathetic, but at least he got a plate full of food out of it.
After they'd eaten and the conversation had slowed down somewhat, he quietly excused himself and stood up. Heechul and Siwon both moved to go with him, but he shook his head, smiling, telling them, "I just think you should have some time alone with your family." Slow nods were his response, and he walked away.
A little way from where they had been sitting, just over the crest of a hill, was a shallow river, gurgling along happily in the sunshine. He wandered down towards the edge, where grass gave way to shingle and mud, and kicked a stone into the water. It sunk. Then he backtracked a little to sit on the incline, staring down at the current.
The jealousy wasn't like what he thought it would be. It wasn't sharp envy, or building resentment, it was a dull ache of despair at how unfair life was. He didn't wish that Heechul and Siwon didn't have these parents who loved -- that would be too selfish -- but seeing that easy relationship still hurt. He hadn't experienced that since he was nine and had told his parents about his secret. Rejection by his parents who had once loved him, their first-born, a son, at such a young age, at a time when he'd needed reassuring, had damaged him more than he thought.
He put his head against his arms and for the first time since he had taken the body of Xiang down to his parents, he cried. He had always felt that somehow, he didn't have the right to cry. His feelings of guilt had always stopped him; tears were for the people who had played no part. Now, however, he sobbed. He sobbed for the life that he could have had, the sister that he had loved and lost, the parents who wouldn't accept him even though it was not his fault he had been born like this. Eventually, arms curled around his shoulders.
He took a deep, shuddering breath, trying to calm down, but a cheek pressed against his hair and Heechul's voice murmured, "You don't have to stop."
Hankyung felt that he did; he was embarrassed at being caught like this, and he sat up, making Heechul's arms fall away from him, and wiped at his eyes with the backs of his hands. Heechul was still. "You've never cried for what happened before, have you?"
Hankyung didn't answer the question directly. He looked at the water again before saying; "I don't understand why they feel the need to punish me for something that I can't control."
Heechul didn't say anything. He didn't know Hankyung's parents, and he couldn't say that he just had to give them time, that they'd come around, that it would all work out in the end. Heechul didn't believe in making empty promises, and so he stayed silent. There was about five minutes of silence, by the end of which Hankyung had composed himself, and Heechul's closed mouth was against his shoulder. It was comforting. It made his heart pound double time. He didn't know a thing about love, but he thought he might be well on his way to being in love with Heechul.
Eventually Heechul stood up, smiling. "I'll get Siwon," he said brightly. "I didn't realise there was a river here."
Nothing was said about Hankyung's eyes, which were no doubt red and swollen. He saw Siwon glance at him nervously a couple of times, but he remained like the parents and was tactfully silent about it. Grateful, Hankyung threw himself into making the most of the remainder of the day. Like the other two, he stripped down so that all he was wearing was his jeans, rolled up to the knees. There was a long pause while they tried this with Heechul's pants and eventually had to give up because they were so tight. His mother disappeared for a short while and then turned up with a pair of shorts for him to change into.
"Where did you get those?" Heechul asked her, suspicious. She beamed at him.
"I just thought they'd come in useful!"
"Did you bring them all the way from home?"
"Well, I thought you might like some different items in your wardrobe."
Once Heechul was dressed appropriately, they began to wade into the river. It was ice cold, as was expected, and Hankyung and Siwon went wading in happily -- for Hankyung it was like the water was washing away the misery of the hour before. Heechul stood on the side and complained. Siwon went back for him and hoisted him on his shoulders. Heechul grinned down at Hankyung.
"Taller than you," he said. Hankyung took hold of his ankle and made to pull him down. Heechul shrieked and grabbed hold of Siwon's head, who yelped in pain. Hankyung let go hurredly.
The day passed. The time that they were set to return to school grew closer, and their clothes, once wet, began to dry as they lay in the sun together. The parents talked on the top of the hill. Heechul lay in between them, talking to Siwon about a childhood memory they had, a summer spent in the open swimming pool in their home town. Hankyung shut his eyes and listened to them, breathing slow and lazy. His crying fit from earlier seemed so long ago. Now the fading sun was still warm on his skin, and Heechul's fingers were wrapped around his wrist.
In the car journey home, it turned out that Heechul's parents were talking him for dinner in the city. An offer was extended to Hankyung to join them, but he shook his head, smiling his thanks. Heechul deserved a little time alone with his family. Heechul's questioning look was given a wide smile. "I don't want to monopolise all of your time with your parents," he said softly.
He fell asleep half an hour into the journey. After making sure that he was completely asleep, Heechul's mother spoke up. "He's a nice boy, Hankyung."
"He is," said Heechul quietly.
"Keep hold of him."
"Mum," he groaned, not really in the mood for it.
"No, Heechul," said his father. "I understand what your mother means this time. Be a friend to him, if nothing else. He seems like he needs friends."
"He has friends." Now that he could, now that Hankyung was asleep, Heechul took his hand and felt the leather against his skin, cold and impersonal. Hankyung's skin underneath would be warm and no doubt soft, softened by years of being protected by material. He sighed, sadly, and lay his head against Hankyung's shoulder. It was just like him, to fall for someone with whom he could never hold hands.
Dinner that night was fairly quiet. Most people had had the same idea of taking their kids out for a meal, to milk everything from the only night together. Zhou Mi was the only one there, with his family, his sister clearly not up to leaving the school for the night; he later found out she was resting in the room, worn out by the journey and the day. Zhou Mi waved him over and introduced him in Mandarin. Apparently the fact that he was another Chinese person in a Korean school was enough for him to be adopted by yet another family, the mother excited and chattering away at him. He felt himself slip easily back in Mandarin, gaining a little comfort in being Chinese again for a short while.
"How was your day?" he asked Zhou Mi, as his parents talked together about their plans for the next day.
"Great!" said Zhou Mi brightly. "Really great, it was brilliant to see my sister again. You might find it hard to believe it but she looks more alive than she has for years."
"Good," said Hankyung, smiling softly.
"Although there was meeting Kui Xian's parents." Zhou Mi's smile flickered on his face and dulled a little. "I don't think his father liked me."
"What, why?"
"I don't know, it was just the feeling that I got. I don't know if it was because I was Chinese or because I'm a guy, he just seemed a little cold."
Hankyung laughed. "Zhou Mi, anyone would seem cold next to you."
Zhou Mi smiled and changed the subject. "How was your day with Heechul and Siw--"
Hankyung hadn't been able to help it. At Heechul's name, a sharp jolt of feeling shot through him and he suddenly remembered lying on the bed, Heechul's mouth against his. The sudden break off from Zhou Mi let Hankyung know that he had seen that, and as Zhou Mi's hands flew to his mouth, Hankyung could feel himself blushing.
"Oh my god," whispered Zhou Mi.
"Oh, be quiet," said Hankyung desperately.
"You didn't!"
Hankyung just nodded. A little helpless, he watched as Zhou Mi's face practically broke in half with his smile. "Congratulations," he told Hankyung, who just shook his head.
Hankyung was brushing his teeth in the little shower room when he heard the door in the other room fly open. He paused, but heard nothing, and so carried on, then the door to the shower room flew open and Heechul stormed in. "What did you tell Seasoning?" he demanded, and slammed the door shut after him.
"Mrgh," said Hankyung around the froth in his mouth, and then spat into the sink. "Nothing," he said, truthfully.
"Well, you said something. I was in the middle of dinner when he suddenly started shouting congratulations into my ear but I couldn't get back to him to ask him what the fuck he was on about. Then I get home and go into my bedroom and Sungmin practically shrieks at me, because Zhou Mi told him that you'd kissed me!"
"Oh." Hankyung winced. "I didn't tell him anything, he just sort of saw."
"So now Sungmin knows so by tomorrow it will be all over the school."
"Was it supposed to be a secret?"
"No!" Heechul's denial was so violent that Hankyung was a little shocked. "Of course it wasn't supposed to be a secret!" Then, in a softer, calmer voice, he said, "You don't have to be a secret."
The secret looked away in his bedroom, the son who was never spoken about. "I want to kiss you," he told Heechul.
Heechul blinked. "So do it. You didn't ask the first time."
"I should have done."
"No."
"No?"
"No."
Heechul's mouth moved against his, warm and soft. He was too scared to touch Heechul, scared that all that life might fade away if he did so, but Heechul wasn't afraid to touch him. His hands moved through Hankyung's hair, down over his cheeks and neck, paused against his chest. Then he gripped the material of his shirt in his hands and pulled him forward until Heechul's back was against the wall. Hankyung couldn't focus on one thing, his sense flicking from the feel of Heechul's mouth against his, to the brush of his hair against his face, to where his thumb rubbed against the skin exposed where Hankyung's shirt had been dragged down.
Then there was banging on the door behind them. "Hyung, what's going on in there? Is Sungmin-hyung right? Are you really going out together?"
Hankyung's laughter and Heechul yell for him to "Fuck off!" were the only responses.
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