Siwon / Heechul / alcohol / PG / 680 words
Once every month or so, when Donghae crashes at Eunhyuk’s after a night of training, Heechul and Siwon get in a shed-load of alcohol and drink until the world is fuzzy and everything that they say is hilarious and causes them to descend into laughter that is contagious and can’t be stopped without getting more drunk. At some point in the night, inevitably and without fail, Heechul will feel the urge to complain, and turn the conversation to his relationship problems with Hankyung; he doesn’t have any relationship problems with Hankyung, and so each time he makes them up.
“He snores,” he said, and sipped at the can that was causing another ring to appear on their coffee table, already stained through years of use even before Siwon, Heechul and Donghae picked it up at a second hand shop.
“He does not,” said Siwon, rolling his eyes. “I’ve slept in the same room as him before, he doesn’t snore.”
“How do you know?” demanded Heechul. “He only snores after sex, so you wouldn’t know, would you?”
“He doesn’t snore, Heechul,” said Siwon firmly. “Stop making things up.”
“He’s too perfect for me,” mumbled Heechul, chin on the table. “Seriously, too perfect.”
“I’m sure he’d say the same about you,” reassured Siwon, putting a hand on his back comfortingly.
“God, what am I saying?” Heechul rolled his eyes, sitting back up and looking wonderingly at the alcohol in front of him. “This stuff is the most retarded stuff ever, I’m never drinking it again. I’m too perfect for Hankyung, not the other way around.”
“I’m sure that’s true too,” said Siwon. Heechul peered at him thoughtfully.
“Fuck, Siwon,” he said. “How much have you had?”
“Eh,” said Siwon, and looked at the pile of cans by the side of the table. He held his hands out in an apparent measure. “About that much of that pile.”
“Hankyung can’t hold his drink,” said Heechul promptly.
“No,” said Siwon. “No, that’s Yehsung.”
“Oh,” said Heechul, and then, “Fuck, is there seriously nothing wrong with my boyfriend?”
“Eh,” said Siwon again, and cocked his head to the side. “Can I have an easier question, my head hurts.”
Heechul scoffed at him and then managed to pull his mobile phone from his pocket after two fumbling attempts. Siwon put his head on the table as Heechul rang Hankyung, despite it being after two o’clock in the morning. Siwon heard Hankyung mumble something.
“Of course I know what time it is,” snapped Heechul. “Like it being late is any reason for me not to call you.”
This time Hankyung’s voice sounded annoyed. Heechul snorted. “I just thought you should know,” he said, in a loud voice of apparent proclamation. “You are absolutely perfect and I hate that.”
“I’m not perfect.” Siwon heard Hankyung’s voice clearly suddenly. He sounded confused. “Of course I’m not perfect, who told you that?”
“I told myself,” said Heechul. “I’m brilliant like that.”
“Oh,” said Hankyung, in a tone of deep understanding. “You’re drunk, aren’t you? Is Siwon there?”
“I think he’s asleep,” said Heechul.
“I’m not,” mumbled Siwon, face still pressed against the table.
“Oh,” said Heechul. “He’s not.”
“Go to sleep, Heechul,” said Hankyung, fond and amused. “It’s late – or, really, early. You should sleep.”
“Fuck you,” said Heechul. “I’ll sleep when I want to sleep. No, wait – Hankyung, you should come over and get drunk with me!”
“Oh my god, Heechul,” said Hankyung. “It’s two o’clock in the morning and you just woke me up, how can I possibly come over?”
“You’re not perfect because you’re boring,” said Heechul.
“I’m going to bed,” said Siwon, lurching upright. Heechul just waved a hand in his direction; apparently he had been inspired as to all the ways that Hankyung was not, in fact, perfect. Siwon stumbled over to his bedroom door, but paused as he heard Heechul say; “Of course, you must be perfect for me to want you.”
Siwon didn’t hear what Hankyung said in response to that, but he thought that Heechul’s soft laughter was enough of an answer.